Things are changing, but we’re changing also. I’m still ignoring time. I’m still worrying. I’m still afraid. Also this
When someone you love is in pain, you improve. You improve on anything else. Because you don’t want to add to that pain. You are closer, you are doing things differently. You pause. You pause inside. I paused inside.
There is more to this world than our eyes see, much more than our brain is capable of understanding. It’s fun to understand, but it’s best to feel.
I’m not going to pretend I’m something else, I’ve pretended enough.
On the other hand, I’m sad that I’m not going to be able to walk next to the North Sea again. It helped me before. I made a special connection there. My soul was a bit under the weather at that time. Although I had a different sense of magnitude back then. I thought I lost it all. I did lose a lot, but worse challenges were set up for me in the not so distant future. The sorrow from those days, all of it, it’s in the past now. It took me about 5 years to get over it. I’m sorry it took me so long, it might have been strange for some persons around me.
It’s hard for me to imagine the future. I wish I could just freeze the current moment. It would be even better if I could travel some 3-4 years in the past and freeze there, but it’s hard to bargain over time freezing.
There’s so much to share, so much inside that needs to get out. Maybe some other night, though.
I have trouble sleeping. I have trouble dreaming. Though some troubles have gone away. It seems like I only have a few troubles to bother myself about at a time. Others are buried, waiting to come out.
I used to hate summer, but now I have come to like it. The constant hot air is annoying, also my light sensitivity is pretty annoying, but I like wearing sun-glasses, so at least I have a good reason for wearing them. I like the starry nights, I wish I could see the stars like I did before, no metaphor here, though, it’s just my poor sight that is troubling me. Thunderstorms are a plus too. I wish the nights were a little longer, though. Nights are great when you need to look inside your soul. It’s probably a contrast thing. Just kidding, I’m sure some parts of my soul can easily be confused with the darkness of the night. Not all of them, though.
I love paragraphs.
There is a lot happening around me. Everyone I know is doing something big, way bigger than before, way bigger than what I’m doing. I think I’m still adapting to adulthood.