A story of life and death

May 1, 2018 at 10:36 pm (nothing's wrong)

Motionless I stand.

The only thing that moves,

Is pain inside my brain.

 

Even my eyes,

They look right back at me,

For there is nothing else to see,

Outside.

 

I dance alone,

I cry will laughter and I feel,

My life, abruptly, coming to an end.

 

Everything that once was me,

Will fall right back into its place

Why have I taken so much time?

I’ll give it back right away.

 

And more. I’ll give eternity.

The days, the nights,

I’ll give them all.

 

The joy, the pain, the love,

My words and thoughts.

 

Don’t miss me please.

Just place a flower next to me.

And let the sky be purple just one time.

The rain will fall right from above.

And all the dirt will dance with me.

Once more.

 

The wind will blow my soul away.

To wonders still unknown.

I’ll wait for everyone in there.

But while I wait, I’ll live again.

I’ll feel the pain and all the love

Just like I felt them yesterday.

When motionless I stood in vain.

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I want to die

March 16, 2018 at 12:16 am (everything's wrong)

I was so afraid of death before. I was constantly having these terrible anxiety attacks that were related to the fact that someday i will disappear. Those moments are gone now. Death is all around me now. I walk along graves everyday. I think a lot about life, but also about death. Which one’s more exciting now?

I wonder.

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404 Love cannot be found

September 10, 2017 at 4:12 am (nothing's wrong)

I only have time for irrational love these days.

I don’t need a relationship.

I don’t need endless talks about who I am and what I do.

I don’t care about your feelings.

Don’t be possessive, whatever that means.

Just don’t be!

Thank you and goodbye!

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September…

September 10, 2017 at 4:05 am (nothing's wrong)

Fuck you too!

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Long summer nights

June 18, 2017 at 4:12 am (nothing's wrong)

Summer nights are already long, so why not make them even longer. There’s plenty of time to sleep during the day. This night I cried. A lot. Emotions are still present. That’s a good thing, because I thought I don’t have any left, really. I hugged my mom today, we spent time together. I went out in the evening. It rained. We talked about stuff. We drank wine. And beer. Beer with honey. Because it’s always nice to add something sweet to something not so sweet. The future is uncertain. I feel like I should live more. I’m thinking of all sort of stuff. Mostly sad stuff. I’m also thinking about doing something drastically different in the nearby future. And I’m kind of bored. And tired. My health isn’t great, but there’s no time for that. I started having some regrets today, about my past, about all the mistakes I did, about how my life could have been totally different today. Sure. But maybe it’s just how it’s supposed to be. It’s not that bad. I’m happy. Sometimes. I miss my friends. Thing’s are different now, everyone is seeking something else. We’re not that united anymore. I miss very special friends also. I really really do. I miss a hug. I miss 10 minutes…

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Damaged

March 21, 2017 at 1:42 am (nothing's wrong)

I’m damaged. My body, my soul. Everything. I am scared. I function because of the people around me. I live for the people around me. I don’t live for myself anymore.
I need a reboot. Can I turn back time? Say, 10 years ago. I promise I will make it better. It’s not like I can make it any worse.
People have left me, I have left people. I turned to animals, to God. Although I go on and off about this stuff. I am afraid.
I am a mess, physically, mentally. I can’t go on like this. I’m not sure how long my mind can handle this.

Everybody should leave me alone, I don’t want to disappoint you… again.

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30

October 5, 2016 at 12:30 am (nothing's wrong)

30isthenew20

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That feeling

February 20, 2016 at 5:07 am (nothing's wrong)

I remember you!

That feeling of joy, wonder and paranoia. We meet again.

Actually, I almost completely forgot about you, how foolish of me. I’m completely messed up right now, I’m doing stuff that I haven’t done in some time, my mind flies away, I sleep a lot less, I actually caught a cold. It all happened so fast. Oh well, I can’t really complain, can I? But I should, it’s not like anyone is reading this anyway. I could say anything.

I’m sorry I haven’t been very interesting in the last couple of days, it’s kind of hard to cope with everything. And I miss her, I really do. I know I’m over reacting, but I’m feeling a little depressed, yeah, who would’ve thought that would happen. I mean, I’m usualy feeling it during the spring, but now it came a lot earlier.

I need more offline interactions, hell, I should be writing this on a piece of paper and throw it straight to the can. I will pretend that’s exactly what happened.

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Once

September 12, 2015 at 1:50 am (nothing's wrong)

I fell in love once. It was warm and strange. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling. It was new, it was exciting and it was scary. This happened a few moments ago… on a scale with very large steps. But I don’t really want to talk about this. Although it’s somewhat connected, as it’s, too, something scary and new.

I had a friend once. It was wonderful. It’s like having a cup of tea, but one that you can talk too, and most importantly, it talks back. I can’t find that cup of tea any more and I have lots of things to say to it. It hurts. Sure, there are other cups in the cupboard, but it’s just not the same.

I had a life once. Well, technically, I still do. But what a strange one it is. I just don’t know where this train is heading.

Tunnel.of.Love.original.1220 Sometimes I wish I could just jump out of it. But it’s moving too fast. It’s moving too fast, through an empty tunnel. A cold and dark empty tunnel. Sometimes, I can see holes in the walls, sometimes the sun punctures through. There are times when the train stops to refuel and I can sit and close my eyes. I have dreams, I have memories. I have good times in my head. I just wish I could somehow get them out.

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I deteriorate…

June 14, 2015 at 12:14 am (nothing's wrong)

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