See
I woke up today, just after a heavy sleep. Woke up… just to see myself sleeping again.
But, to my amazement, I felt something incredible. With my feet wrapped in the sand, just like Belgian chocolate, the freezing water of the north got me, kicked me. And I just stood and watched. Cause it brought me relief. The grey pale sky, the small, loud waves, they all ate me, ate all my fears, all my problems, all I ever had anyway. I wanted to stay, I wanted to live there, to watch, to let it overwhelm myself…
Was so beautiful.
Like honey falling from my spoon the same morning, creating a maze, spinning randomly. A maze to my heart and soul. Or a random maze to someone else’s. More sweeter than honey, more powerful than the sea, and ultimately more powerful than me.
Two eyes suddenly displaying in front of me, everytime I try to get my mind of regular stuff. Those to eyes I could watch forever. Now lost.
Lost and lonely… blocked… thoughts…
Missing everything
rewind
It would be the perfect time to use that button right now. Everything went quite upside-down today. And the smell of popcorn, that should have been fried vegetables, makes me wonder why did i bother to wake up this morning.
And here’s the story of my self dissapointed. Too bad i’m not the only one…
Black
Haven’t had a great night… Nightmares creeping in my head, just after a cold shower of panic attacks, little monsters hiding themselves in my brain, afraid of the big monsters that took over.
I hate being alone.
Browsed memories, heart touching photos, mind blowing videos. All left me standing tall in this black water that has yet to drown me. Expecting nothing, waiting for nothing. No point in sleeping, no point in living. And one more stupid test to prove me right…
RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense. NO CHEATING!Here goes:
How are you feeling today?
Kate Bush – King of the Mountain
Not even close… Or the mountain is very smallWill you get far in life?
Modest Mouse – The World at LargeHow do your friends see you?
Little Richard – Rock, Long Tall Sally
Long tall… well that’s pretty obviousWill you get married?
The Beatles – I Want You (She’s So Heavy)
So Heavy? Perhaps an elephant. What a special relationship ;)What is your best friend’s theme song?
Pearl Jam – SometimesWhat is the story of your life?
Bob Marley – Chances Are
Quite true…What was high school like?
Placebo – Black Eyed
“I was never faithful
And I was never one to trust
Border-lining schizo
And guaranteed to cause a fuss
I was never loyal
Except to my own pleasure zone
I’m forever black-eyed
A product of a broken home” :(How can you get ahead in life?
Bob Marley – Soul Captive
Not on my own, that’s for sure :)What is the best thing about your friends?
REM – Endgame
?!What is in the store for this weekend?
Gorillaz – White Light
At the end of the tunnel?What song describes you?
Dire Straits – Once Upon a Time in the West
in a small town i was born ;)To describe your grandparents?
The Offspring – Head Around You
They rock! :)How is your life going?
The Beatles – Nowhere Man
Couldn’t have describe it better myself…What song will they play at your funeral?
REM – New Orleans Instrumental
chilling…How does the world see you?
The Doors – Light My Fire
this might relate to the previous :SWill you have a happy life?
The Beatles – Can’t Buy Me Love
at least it’s not about the moneyWhat do your friends really think of you?
Zdob si Zdub – Intro 450
?!Do people secretly lust after you?
U2 – Original Of The SpeciesHow can i make myself happy?
Graham Coxon – Ribbons and Leaves
leaves! :)What should you do with your life?
Julio Iglesias – Derroche
derroche = waste
Well, I’m off for a great startWill you ever have children?
Kumm – Now And After
Help :(
I wish i could write in a language known only by myself. Cause everything’s too complicated for anyone to bother reading.
It’s about the last few days… when all of my universe seemed to be melting down. I wish I could blame it on the overwhelming panic attacks but it’s not all that. It’s waking up in the morning with a feeling i can’t describe. It’s feeling my mind empty and my body not even mine…
And above all this, that loneliness that takes the smile off my face every day. And the feeling of guilt, guilt that I could do more to solve this thing up. I can’t stop thinking about this. I wish I had the power to do more. But no… maybe I do have it, yet I don’t no how to use it…
And it’s the outside world I totally forgot about, the walks, the parks, the birds and butterflies. The time I used to walk on the river bank, in the middle of the evening and literally cry out loud for help…
I miss her very much… that’s long story short…
